Cinema lyf: the CONS

Working at a movie theatre does have it’s advantages. It’s relatively easy work with the benefit of seeing movies at the cinema free of charge. However, at my cinema, I put up with so much shit, the free movies can sometimes seem like small compensation!! (Note: this is a rant based on my own experiences- I am not saying it is like this at every cinema)

1. Sexism

Boys usher, girls serve at candy bar and ticket box. My workplace claimed it is because the ushering work involves heavy lifting of standees and various boxes, but I don’t buy it. God forbid a girl works on the floor! God forbid a boy sells popcorn! In the four years I have worked there, my ushering shifts can be counted on one hand- and I was only used as a last resort when someone was sick. It sucks because I love ushering- less dealing with annoying people and more watching previews and parts of movies. Plus you have an excuse to get away from the boss, should they be in a crap mood.

2. The uniforms

The cinema I work at is at lease 70 years old; a heritage building with old fashioned furnishings and decor. So naturally, my uniform involves a shirt, a vest, a long brown skirt and a silk scarf. This vintage statement is not so bad in winter, but try scooping choctops in a hot non-air conditioned room in that get-up in the middle of summer! Patrons may comment on how lovely and cool cinemas are- allow me to inform you that they only air-condition the public areas. Staff areas on the other hand? Fat chance.

3. Choctops

Not only do we have to scoop trays of these little suckers, we have to dip them and bag them and sell them at crazy prices. The room we make them in is stifling, and the process is mind numbingly boring. Also my right bicep is now way bigger than my left thanks to scooping the too-hard icecream from metal tubs for hours on end. Sexy.

4. Prices

I don’t make the prices… I’m just a working pleb. And yet people insist on whining to me about them at every opportunity. I am always trying to find the cheapest options for customers, but some of them just don’t get it- want a large coke but regular popcorn? It’s actually CHEAPER to get the large popcorn with the large coke, as it then becomes a combo. So I will suggest it, but will often get “no, that’s okay” as a response. Hello? You are getting less product at a greater expense!! WHY WOULD YOU CHOOSE THAT???

5. Vouchers

When I first started this gig, I hated vouchers because there are so many different types; it’s really hard to remember all the different deals and how to put them through the till. Now, I love vouchers- I really WANT people to get the best deal they can (and therefore whine less about movie prices). However, the thing with vouchers is that you have to make sure you read the terms and conditions. For example, many cinemas won’t accept ‘complementary’ ticket vouchers after a certain time on a Saturday night- the film industry’s busiest night. Try explaining that to a customer who comes in at 7pm on a Saturday night with one of these vouchers. They act as if you just ran over their dog or something. It’s not my fault you didn’t read the terms and conditions; can you please stop being a dick?

6. Complaints

There are lots of them, particularly in the situation I described above. I am often directed to ‘fetch the manager’. Dude, they are going to tell you the exact same thing I just did, and then we are going to roll our eyes at each other when you leave. Is that what you want?

7. Managers

This is a problem everywhere – managers can be complete dicks sometimes. Most of the managers I work with are lovely, but there’s a couple that make every minute of your shift with them feel like hours. One lady I work for in particular is awful, but only to a select few (myself included). She’s sweet as pie to everyone else, which makes it way worse. WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU, LADY?

8. Telephones

I am perfectly happy to answer your questions, but when that requires me to tell you every single movie that’s playing, a detailed synopsis of each, and all the session times, my patience wears thin. Particularly when you ask me to repeat myself more than once. You looked up the phone number for the cinema didn’t you? I’m sure you have the capacity to find that information yourself.

9. Rudeness

Customers who order tickets or food while on their mobiles can fuck off. Customers who interrupt me, or even ignore me when I say hello, can fuck off. Customers who leave rubbish all over the place can fuck off. Customers who wait in line for ages but haven’t decided what to order when they get to the counter, can fuck off. Customers who complain about the prices/service/cinema rudely and right in front of me, can fuck off. People who ignore wet floor signs can fuck off. Parents who don’t control their kids can fuck off. Basically, any jerks can fuck off.

10. Latecomers

Oh hey, the films only been going for 20 minutes, let’s disturb all the people who were on time so you can sit in that one seat you like. Oh you want to buy something too, even though we are closing for the night? Sure, let me turn on the soda machine again just for you. Just walk on over that wet floor I just mopped, to get to the till I was just closing, thanks!

-_-

She came in like a wrecking ball

I like Miley Cyrus way more now than I ever did when she wasn’t a ‘rebel’. So many people judge her for her clothing choices, dance moves and lifestyle, but she is someone who simply refuses to live by other people’s rules and expectations. If anything, her confidence and unique style make her a role model.

I think she is a funny, crazy, relatable person. She supports so many worthy causes and charities, and has done way more good in the world than I could ever hope to achieve. She may be young, but she certainly isn’t ‘utterly clueless’ like me. Her new public image is proof of this; she may have more ‘haterz’ but she has a shittonne more publicity, fans and $$$$. They should call her wiley Miley hehehe (sorry).

Merhlerrr Cerrruss

Merhlerrr Cerrruss is inspehhhring


Can’t you see it’s we who own the night?
Can’t you see it’s we who ’bout that life?

When my friends informed me of $50 tickets for her ‘Bangerz’ concert, I thought yeah, why not? I didn’t know many of her new songs but I knew the girl could put on a show.

And I was not disappointed.

She entered the stadium by sliding out of her own mouth, which was shown on a giant screen, and left by riding a giant hotdog.
She wore headbands that fans threw on the stage while she sang, and spat on them when she decided they were getting a bit hot (lol).
Vocals were amazing, and she changed costumes about a thousand times… how exhausting.
The backup dancers were awesome, and regularly kitted out in elaborate costumes.
She covered ‘Jolene’ by Dolly Parton and encored with ‘Party in the U.S.A’… it was awesome.

So cheers to you Miley, keep doing yo thang.

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Nightmares and red wine

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Intense dream last night.
I had escaped from a murderer, only to discover a second murderer had killed the first guy, and decided to “finish the job”.

Naturally, I tried to communicate with his past victims to get some assistance (yeah, I don’t know how I got to that conclusion). I closed my eyes, and visualised the world of the dead. I tried to pull a girl (with some sort of ‘mind lasso’) back with me, but ended up getting her pet rat instead (?). I could feel something warm in my hands and when I opened my eyes I was holding the bloody entrails of some creature.

And some lady was standing in front of me repeating the phrase “Mary Maverick, back from the dead” over and over again.
(Later I googled the name. Apparently Mary Maverick is a pioneer of Texas in the 1800s. I live in Australia so Wtf Mary, if you are sending me a message do your damn research).

At this point I thought I woke up. I could see a dark shadow at the end of my bed but when I opened my mouth to speak, I gasped and couldn’t breathe. I tried to move but it felt like something was pressing down on me. There was ringing in my ears, my heart was pounding. I forced myself to calm down, by slowing my gasping breaths and thinking rationally. And then the whole sensation stopped… I am still unsure if this was part of the dream or something else.

I spent the rest of the night in Mum’s bed, woke up late for uni, and ended up skipping my shower and breakfast. The whole experience has taught me not to drink four glasses of red wine before bed.

I guess that’s that

My brother’s last relationship spanded over 6 years, ending over a year ago.

This girl was like an older sister to me during my teen years, and I looked up to her. She helped me get my first job (at a fish and chip shop), went shopping with me, and always gave me boy advice. It sucked when they broke up. They don’t talk anymore, but I had hoped, if enough time had passed, maybe she and I could be friends again. I asked her to meet me for a coffee the other day.

I didn’t tell my brother. He would say that he couldn’t care less if I saw her, but who knows if that’s how he really feels. So I didnt tell him. Is that a betrayal? I don’t even know.

I hadn’t seen her in so long. Her hair is longer, blonder… she is the same but different. Still bubbly but so … mature? She has her life all together.

It was so good to see her but at the same time it highlighted just how much we’ve grown apart. I wish I could still talk to her like a sister, be comfortable around her, but that isn’t the way it is.

I guess that’s how life works sometimes.

Pet names

Animals should have illustrius, noble, old-timey names (prefereably that can be shortened to something cutesy).

I aim to one day name a cat Archimedes. So distinguished and fancy (and can be shortened to Archieeeeeeeee, emphasis on the ‘eeeee’).

Other (awesome) pet names?

– Herbert
– Phillip
– Plato
– Cleopatra
– Frances
– Toulose

 ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤


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It’s stuck in my head

“Will you walk a little faster?” said a whiting to a snail,

“There’s a porpoise close behind us, and he’s treading on my tail.
See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance!
They are waiting on the shingle – will you come and join the dance?
Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, will you join the dance?

Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, won’t you join the dance?

– Lewis Carroll

Does the lobster quadrille involve twerking?

Does the lobster quadrille involve twerking?

Classic Insults

Everyone is so passive agressive lately.
Why, when history has so many great insults?


He loves nature in spite of what it did to him‘ – Forrest Tucker

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire‘ – Winston Churchill

He is a self-made man and worships his creator‘ – John Bright

He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up‘ – Paul Keating

He had delusions of adequacy‘ – Walter Kerr

He has Van Gogh’s ear for music‘ – Billy Wilder

‘Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go’ – Oscar Wilde

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Step awf!

30 Rock's Tracy Jordan

30 Rock’s Tracy Jordan

You said it Tracy.

I may be young but I am technically still an adult and need to make my own choices. If those decidions end up being wrong, fine, it’s MY mistake, I will deal with it and hopefully learn from it.

I wish all my uni friends would stop talking about their exciting new jobs for 2015 because I am wallowing in self doubt at the moment. But it’s my problem, not theirs, and I am so happy for them. It’s worse when I find out about people in the course, who are not as skilled as I and others are, were given jobs over us. Like… what? Fuck.